Can't think intelligently anymore. I hate this, for some reason I can never work on weekends...actually I can't seem to work at all- ever. So I'm downloading pictures and whatever, trying to do something with my time so I don't feel guilty about not working. Damn.

Maybe this is purely a psychological thing. I think I don't have the mental capacity to right well, so my head gives up and I'm stuck in my coma of laziness. This seems to happen whenever I try to work. What is my problem? Ok, so maybe I don't have any motivation. My motivation ran out after 1st quarter. So now I have to make it through the rest of the year and actually do well. I claimed I could get a 4.0 for the year, and I did for 1st quarter. So now that I'm not working at all, just enough to get by....what the hell is going to happen? Yeah, I've been accepted by 3 of my 4 schools. I'm still waiting for a response from the 4th. I don't need my credits, just soc/ econ which I'm taking in the spring. Everything else is just filler. I thought they would be fun classes, but they're not.

I hate school. Just let me graduate already. My brain has been working so long in these damned institutions that it gives out earlier and earlier each year. I think last year I was able to make in until Christmas. The only thing in school at present would be one-act. Mock Trial isn't even fun at the moment.

I need to leave. Why can't it be next year? My classes will be completely different. I'll have to study theatre, dance and voice instead of mostly academic stuff. I'd like that much better. I've written way too many papers. They all sound the same. Yeah, I can analyze and all that crap. I just don't want to anymore. I give you bullshit, you give me an A and we're all happy.

I need an escape. Unfortunately the theatre won't totally cut it. Its the rehearsal process that makes me escape life better. I know the performances are the best part. But last week just seemed to drag on an on. And its was only a 3 day week. I think it did because I didn't have to go to play practice. I need a vacation- to travel to some far away place. I know I'll get that in February when I have to audition for colleges. God, I'm so behind on that. I've lost my copy of Merchant of Venice, which I was supposed to re-read multiple times before the end of this week. Memorization is scary right now....

I wish there was some way I could erase all the things I had to worry about. Actually I just wish it were summer, because I'm sure everything will sort itself out. I'll get through my classes with good enough grades. I'll make it through the year with all of its activities and auditions. I'm wondering if I'll have a good experience I'll want to remember. I always feel like I'm just going through the motions of my life. All of this extra stuff is just work. I'm doing it because I've always done it and I've convinced myself I can't give it up. I wonder what would happen if I dropped out of everything, just to save my sanity. But then where would I be? I've thought about this before, what do I do if I don't have extracurriculars? Its not like I have a vibrant social life. So what do I do instead, sit at home and watch television? No....so I don't do anything. I keep going through the motions.

My paper still awaits. I'm halfway through, but maybe I can procrastinate some more.