I'm in such a weird mood. I feel as if my my mind is detached from my body. I've been walking around in a daze trying to find myself. I don't know what to do....I have to be at the theatre at 1 for the last show....I'm still in my pajamas and what little breakfast I ate is gone.

I don't know what to make of anything. I frustrated with my D predicament. He didn't come to the cast party last night, and for some reason that really upset me. Nothing's happened since I confronted him last week. I think I might have to confront him again. For some reason I had a dream about him last night. Such a strange dream, too. I kissed him and then he framed me for possessing alcohol, what the hell? My dreams are so odd, I never used to remember them. Now I can remember 1-2 every night. Am I supposed to learn anything from them?

Today's the last time I'll run into him. Every other time after this will have to be arranged. I getting tired of this. Yeah, I want to go out with him and get to know him, etc....but if he keeps doing nothing about it, I'll get bored and move on. Or atleast, I'll stop pursuing him. Goddamn, I hate this. He does have me wrapped around his finger, which I absolutely despise. I don't like being in this position, I'm too vunerable.

Let me hide behind my walls. It took me so long to construct them. I need these walls, or else I'll get hurt again. I don't want to take them down for him. I want him to climb my walls. I want him to come to me....I sound so horribly selfish.

I suppose I should shower. I'll wash away this cloud of fatigue and confusion. Or perhaps not, perhaps it will only sharpen my instincts. Even so....I must get out of these pajamas.