back from maslc and i'm not sure what to make of myself. i feel the need to retreat for a few days away from people and distractions. i feel like i have to re-evaluate myself and decide what i got from maslc and how i want to use it. strangely enough, i've kind of been doing that for the past few hours. i spent last night at my aunt's house and just returned home at 6:30 pm today. my parents are out until about 11:00, so i've been enjoying this alone time. i've been with people almost constantly for 3 weeks.

but last night and this morning i felt a strange sort of emptiness. like a homesickness. now, i've gotten used to the idea of being home but i feel like i'm torn. like i was ripped from someplace wonderful and i wasn't ready to leave. i cried last night...a little bit. of course i cried during When I Survey the Wondrous Cross. I had to. One look at Dr. T's face as we were singing the "were the whole rhelm of nature mine..." stanza and how could i not. the voices were so beautful, the organ, the text, that feeling within me of happiness and sadness. then later when we were saying our goodbyes downstairs...hugging....i hugged J and completely lost it. I spent 2 minutes crying on R's shoulder and got makeup on his polo. even now as i'm writing this tears spring to my eyes and threaten to fall.

i've been torn away...i didn't want to leave....i didn't want to leave my friends....friends who'd become so close to my heart in a matter of days and just continued to get closer with the past 3 weeks.

but it will be ok...i'll move on...i'll visit them, J and A aren't too far away...there's e-mail...phone...i still have R's music, which i meant to give back...i have to return it eventually. parents are home, and i'll be expected to talk with them.