I've come to the conclusion I've been awfully silent for the longest time. Reason, I have no idea other than I have nothing to voice. The only thoughts running through my head concern A and me completing things before I leave for the remainder of the month. My thoughts do not seemingly stray from either subject. So why am I silent? Silent in words....I think in feelings....or rather I act on feelings. I convince myself I'm happy and stress-free, feelings I don't often experience. Am I lying to myself, no...but all the same doesn't it suck when my only good thoughts stem from depression and self-loathing?

So am I downplaying happiness and freakish organization and obsessive complusive tendencies? In this instance my will to well and not make a fool of myself concerns something I don't mind preoccuping my time. Hey, I can learn somewhat challenging music just fine without complaint. Anyway, is happiness overrated? No, perhaps just unappreciated. All the same I feel fake. As if being truly happy makes me plastic. Like I have a molded smile with painted on emotions. A frozen being. What the hell does this mean? Ah, typical me....no you can't just be satisfied, can you? No...not at all, when you think your happy you being to think too much and convince yourself its wrong or something. Why? Why, do you do this to yourself? There is nothing wrong with being happy. Nothing...so just stop this and be happy.

What do you want, something bad to happen to take you out of this blissful state? No. But...but....

What the hell is running through my mind?

Legitimate reasons why I am happy:
1. I'm in the best relationship I've ever been in my entire life. (I could further elaborate, but I'll save the sappy couple stuff)
2. No more high school to worry about.
3. I have a future, a plan, a place to go this fall and then some.
4. My parents are letting me do as I please.
5. I'm about to go off and be in a group of some of the best high school vocalists in Minnesota.

So what's the problem? There isn't any.