I feel my control slipping away. I feel my ability to make everything work failing. Too many things and not enough time....not enough energy...not enough intellect. It's there, buried inside me but the resource has been tapped so often and not given time to renew...but there's no time. I wish I didn't have to sleep, then maybe life will work out as it's meant to. I feel overwhelmed. Things will work, I only have to get through this week and half of next week intact. That's not too long. I'm still on track for not falling behind. But still...I feel like I'm slowly killing myself like this.

For some reason I've found myself obsessing about food. I take comfort in planning everything out.....I greatly fear the freshman ton and maybe that's catching up with me. I feel horribly guilty that I haven't been able to go to the gym. Why do I feel like I have the beginnings of an eating disorder? But I don't, I'm just eating healthily. I think.

I feel myself slipping...like it won't be long before I break down if I keep going as I have. I need to sleep for a straight 24 hours. I missed my weekend and I greatly needed it. But I need to be at dress rehearsal in 20 minutes.