aloof

one of those days when I feel the need to retreat and not emerge until i've gotten sick of myself. long weekend and me in dire need of sleep, which I've somewhat caught up on. but i turned down the opportunity to go to the football game. i've have enough of that in high school, thank you. instead the idea of staying here and reading....perhaps doing my homework sometime today since it's not too stressful- a ballet quiz, editing papers, practicum, finishing my own paper. and I should reread Cripple because i felt ignorant last night while discussing character development.

i've retreated within myself. everything that crosses my mind of a deeper problem than homework is buried in me or written in my journals. the person who i tell my problems to is AW, and he similarly seems to do the same with me. i don't tell EC and AM everything anymore. so am I drifting from them? no. I feel the need to keep secrets, to protect myself for my own piece of mind. I go about living life and enjoying this....and at the same time I'm trying to check myself to avoid unnecessary pain. so far it seems to be working, or else i'm just holding myself in constant denial

i'm not sure how AW and I are beyond the surface. there are hints, but i'm avoiding the analysis for my own piece of mind. i guess ignorance is bliss. in my case it's keeping me from getting hurt. besides i have enough going on with classes, lessons, work, and double rehearsals. ruthless opens in 2 weeks.