Ok here I am again....its Sunday and I have awful work that I don't want to do. I've procrastinated all week, can I procrastinate into next week, too? Probably not.... So instead I'm going to post on here. I have thoughts I need to get out of my head.

I've already buried this in my head and moved on- but repression isn't good. Surprise, surpise, things with D didn't work out. How ironic, it seemed like whenever I had to make a decision about him I'd tell L and she'd call me on it. And things happened exactly the way she predicted. Does this tell me something? "Be the girl" she says. Yeah, I get it now. So no more chasing boys for awhile. I've decided to let fate make the move, however long that might take. Besides, I'm too busy with life in general.

So now I've reverted back to my activites. Odd, I have that whole realization of not having deep relationships with people and caring only about my activities. I get the slightest bit hurt and revert back to my old ways. This thing with D didn't really hurt that much. Or is it that I don't want to focus? I'm very happy my acceptances came the same time this happened. Now I'm focusing on my auditions. Which is how it should be, it is my future.

Ahh, lists....L always tells me to do this for peace of mind and clarity
Things In My Life I Can Control
1. my effort
2. grades (even though I hate school right now)
3. audition prep
4. my mood/ disposition/ outlook
5. my side of friendships
6. surrounding myself with things that make me happy
7. doing things that make me happy

There's gotta be more, but nothing jumps out at me.

I hope this doesn't me I completely shut myself out from people. I keep retreating into superficial things. As if success in these seemingly meaningless activities can justify my self-worth. I worry about stupid things like whether I'll get the lead in the school musical. Its so selfish. "In the course of a lifetime, what does it matter?" Quote from somewhere.

I went to the community theatre in Alex on Friday night. I love going there. Its not my hometown theatre, its better...because its like they've adopted me. Everyone I talked to wished me well with my auditions. They knew I would get it with the faith that only honest family possess. Another reason to hate high school theatre. God, Cinderella soured me so much. I'm afraid Wizard of Oz will be just like Cinderella....and I despise that.

Anyway, now that I've ranted and raved....and still homework to be done. I hate world religions. Damned presentations that never end.