once again, here I am caught between this stage and the next. my current focuses; graduation stuff and registration for fall semester. and then there is A. odd, i'm focusing so much at wrapping up my loose ends and doing things a few more times before i leave this place at this stage of my life forever. if and when i return it won't be the same because i will have changed. i go through school finishing schoolwork, preparing for my last choir and band concerts. sending out my grad invitations and taking care of that stuff. I realize my time with these people is limited, so i find my social life actually existing. 2 parties this weekend with 2 different groups of people, something unusual for me.

summer....i spend 3 weeks in an elite choir and tour the state. possibily i'll be continuing voice lessons. I'll spend time with A and hopefully with my school friends. maybe i'll drive to sioux falls and see L a few times. hopefully, we'll make the trek to I-day 2nd session. things that i want to do one last time before i leave mid august.

and then a...its funny, i was prepared to separate because that would be best for the both of us. even though the time when we have to part is far in essence and i don't want to think about it now. i've heard too many instances of relationships not working when one or both go to college. and i'm going so far away in relation to home. but i mention the subject just to see his take on it. he sounds so optimistic. "i'll be here for you. i'll wait. i don't want to hold you back from your dreams and i'm not going to." i know all this. and i don't want to lose him. so i ask my self why we should part: no reason, other than the distance thing. every other part of me is bursting with reasons why i shouldn't. so i'll put off the decision, because its something i don't want to think about until at least august. i guess its just a decision i don't want to make because i'm torn.