I've been so busy trying to live my life that I don't understand what it means to simply live, to reflect and learn.  I experience the emotions that come from seeing these people, some in familiar settings and some not.  Yeah, I'm happy to see them and spend time with them.  That was the point, wasn't it.  The point of my life thus far is to keep me busy and not slip into the boredum that threatens to plague me when you take away structure.  Ironic no, I spend all year griping about the structure only to find that I miss it.
 
I saw LZ and LK for the first time since my grad party over a month ago.  Funny about structure, LZ told me she was the glamourous corporate life; power suit, 9 to5, office, money, generally the structure and the prestige that comes from it.  Typical LZ and I can see her in it.  I can see her going to law school and finding some successful job that later adds to her resume as she bridges into politics and perhaps will make a lovely picture of a future presidential candidate.  I'd vote for her.
 
But I feel the urge to run and cry to these people whom I call my friends.  Yet, something in me holds back.  And this urge, it doesn't even have a problem to go with it....more of a longing to know that I am not alone in whatever doubts, uncertainties, whatever.  So maybe I am percieving life, just not conciously.  Because whenever I think about what could be bothering me, the emotion never materializes into text or an idea.  Just a gut feeling or an emotion that washes over me.  I find something else to occupy my time, tasks to complete, people to see...something else to do to ignore.  Of course I don't know if I'm over exaggerating, perhaps I am.
 
I want to leave.....let time pass quickly and let me leave.  I've been here too long and I'm starting to feel it.  I love this place and I love these people, I truly do.  And part of me wants to stay.  But a larger part needs to move on.  Maybe because here symbolizes childhood, which I'm trying to shake now.  Childhood is almost gone.