brainstorming, yet again

in dire need of ideas for a paper......hmmmm

cause and effect

or compare and contrast (ugg)

cause and effect of what in my personal life? (because i have to keep my sanity- no research papers during hell week)

personal life- i haven't written about theatre yet, or relationships (tmi-i always thought), home, perspective, searching....

i run about my life searching for something meaningful. it seems to be a universal search, only the ways about searching differ.....we look for outlets and may or may not be satisfied once we've found them. and even if we've found outlets we may need more. what are outlets? are they art forms....activities....are they people, relationships, love....searching for that soulmate or searching for one who has the same perspective on that endless search.

i've found 2 who share that perspective- the 2 who i call my best friends....i had found another who shared my perspective for a time, but i ran away from him...my choice, not his. i strayed from his path only to find my own after stumbling through the woods....i brushed the twigs out of my hair and wipped the dirt off of my face and hands....i stopped the bleeding and let the cuts heal. have they healed? i'm not sure. i'm afraid to take off the band aid for fear of not seeing the wound diminish at all. i ignore it and as long as the band aid is covering i don't think.

its now that i dare to slowly peel the corner of the band aid and peak. i quickly replace it and fight the urge to rip up the band aid. why does one want to poke a wound? to make sure it doesn't hurt. does it hurt? i don't know....i'm afraid to touch it. the wound was so gapping....i'm afraid of it not healing....i'm afraid of letting go of my ignorance.

i thought of a cool idea for my paper. take random thoughts running through my head....write short paragraphs about them, like a blog entry.....disappear and not think about them for a day or so and come back to the same subject to see their effects. hmm, could i do that? i'd like to try.

can that work? i don't know how to make it into something that is cause and effect.