Once again I've been swept up into life with no time to catch my breath. So today as I laze about the house, all of my fatigue from the week has accumlulated into the weekend. One more week until Christmas vacation. 2 weeks of the nothingness, procrastination, fatigue I always inhabit on the weekends. I'm not sure if this is a blessing or a curse. I have goals for vacation. I have to get work done to make my life easier after Christmas. I need to be at a certain point for my auditions.

School is so strange. I spent so little time in classes this week. Made me wonder. To be able to leave so freely. Teachers don't question it at all. So I guess I've established trust, reputation of someone who won't screw things up. I can say I have to go somewhere and not come back for the rest of the hour, no questions asked. Come late to class, its ok. Good, obviously. But for some reason it made me stop and think. I guess I wonder if I could leave and then what would happen. Or rather, just go somewhere else in the building....as a sanctuary. I wish our high school was set up more like a college. The best places in the building are the unoccupied choir and band rooms, the auditorium, sometimes the media center. I want something like the hfa building in morris. dark basements with overstuffed chair- couch- things.

I've been studing a lot about the duality of man's nature. All of these books, ect in classic novels....Frankenstein, Jekyll and Hyde.....question the duality of my nature. Does one really know themselves? Can I? Can anyone? On one hand I'm completely removed from everyone....I need space and seculsion. But then I go to one-act practice or mock trial or something....and suddenly I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. I realized I'm happiest around the theatre crowd. Odd, considering they're not my "close" group of friends. But maybe they should be. I spend nearly all of one-act laughing hysterically, discussing mock trial, taking pat's shoes, rubbing his brillo head, calling Lindsey a drunk......and then i've got this great part.

Ah life....a burden and a blessing.