caught...and it caught me off guard

why? why do i have these random urges to read A's blog? at least now I feel better about it. i can read them with an objective eye and not be hurt by the way he sees me. not that i blame him rather....it's just that he doesn't even view me as a person, just as someone horribly fake. but AW's been telling me time and time again how immature he is....i believe it, and i knew it, too. but its just odd how i can sit there and almost laugh at the things he's written. yes, it hurts, but i don't want it. i haven't wanted it for a long time. i like my life how it is. i like my current romantic situation. i have AW on the side to amuse me and i do the same for him. we're on the same page, yet both of us know we aren't using each other. at least i hope i've got that clarified. well, i trust him because he's a nice guy and has this good repore with me...as opposed to a number of people in the department that he rants about.

i'm so worn down....i'm wondering why i'm not sick. if i can only make it to the end of the semester. i have to think too much about work and just making it through the rest of the semester. i need sleep, i don't know how much i will get. and i still need to worry about a ride home for thanksgiving. ahh. oh well, i'm taking care of it tonight.