where is my life?

i go about my day...today was my first realization that nearly everyday i'm in class/working until 5. how i love my life....that's why i don't have any free time. but i've begun to question motivation. yes, i must get homework done. yes, i must be prepared for my lessons. yes, i must participate in cabaret...in shows, etc. i've lost myself. somewhere, i've lost my identity. but i think i've lost my identity long ago and i haven't had time to think about it.

life has become running from one thing to the next. i absorb, i learn, i read, i write, i analyze, i produce intelligent thoughts and fool myself into thinking i function. i improve, i get good grades, i get compliments, i get the nice stereotypes-theatre chick, intelligent/ adult one, different from the other freshman in a good way.... but on the inside i'm leaving behind what i need in order to finish. there goes sleep....there goes food....there goes time to myself...there goes my list of housekeeping chores....

what is inside? what is me? what happens when i strip the surface? is there anything there? or perhaps that charade that i have it all together and do it well. i have friends...i have a, what do i call him? a lover? someone who seems to have more affection for me with each passing day. i have good relationships with my professors, i seem to be well-liked in the way that i want to be liked. but i'm confused. the only thing i know about myself is my goals. that seems to be my entire focus. but isn't that what college is all about?

i don't know anymore. i really don't know.