The last 24 hours have been somewhat life changing. I'm not sure how to explain it so I'll just tell the story.

My parents left to go to a concert at 5 and I have the house to myself. I still have homework I need to finish. So I go online to do the wksh and D happens to be on. I'm hoping to have a repeat of the last conversation, so I say hi. We end up talking about plans....and my lack thereof. I wasn't bothered by this. L had some commitment and I'm going to hang out with her and M on Friday....so New Years just didn't have any significance. Somewhere along the lines D makes me feel like a complete loser with no social life (some of which is partially true and I've been avoiding this issue for some time) just because I'm not going to go out and party on New Years.

I decide I really don't like D, even though I'm been trying to impress him and win his affection ever since I met him in Bus Stop. Once again, get him out of your head in that way. If you want to be friends, fine...but no more. I keep trying to find something better in him and I don't think it exists. But anyway, I'm getting frustrated with what he's told me...so I tell him he's not worth it to impress. Somehow this progresses to I should be have a bad ass friend or whatever. I tell him my ex was bad ass and is probably at a party getting laid. This branches off into relationships and we're discussing virginity and what we want out of a relationship, etc. I feel very one-sided in the conversation, like he's tired of listening to me. It occurs to me that I'm stupid for doing this. D is not the type of person to be pouring aspects of my soul to. No more.

But what ended up happening is he convinced me to find plans. I call M...he's going to some adult party, probably with his parents. I go back online to finish the homework I was supposed to start before talking to D. B comes online and says something about a party at A's and the one-act cast is invited. I call N who might be going....she confirms what I've heard and says I should call A....I do and basically confirm that its ok to invite myself to his party.

Ok...once again the loser with no social life label hits me in the face. But the neo theatre group will be there....its not like I have nothing in common with these ppl. I have been thinking about crossing over to their group. So I go....and had a good time. In retrospect, if I told the goings of the party to anyone else, it would be lame....but still fun. Yeah, we played video games all night and shot off fireworks while freezing our asses. I got home at 1:30 after A's parents kicked us out.

Somewhere in the convo with D he kept telling me the importance of a fresh start and despite my arguements, the time for the start is January. So in honor of self betterment and what not, my New Year's resolutions.

1. I will have a social life outside of school and extracurriculars.
2. I will get closer to my friends in school and try to do more with them.
3. I will try to make new friends in my current environment...maybe the neo theatre group, maybe ppl in speech.
4. I will stop trying to impress people that I shouldn't impress.
5. I will stop pouring out my soul to semi-strangers while trying to find a soulmate.
6. I will find a better confidant so I'm not tempted to do that.
7. I will keep my good habits (exercise, nutrition, sleep).
8. I will focus on my goals for next year (no slacking on audition prep).
9. I will try to enjoy what's left of my senior year, as hard as that may be sometimes.
10. I will try to encorporate more aspects of creativity and find time to draw/paint/sing.

Ambitious list....but all within reason.