Odd how so many things happen to me in a single day....i catalogue them, thinking i should write about them later- then i get home and try to remember those things....memory

spent the day at trial...and we went 2nd, so our team ate breakfast first. trial was so bizarre. i'd been trying to make my character cry (she is a burn victim- life ruined, etc etc) and i have to do it so its real, or else its cheesy and out of place. i'm the first witness in the entire trial....needless to say, my crying was not as good as i'd hoped....i had the convulsions and speech right, but no genuine tears plus our judges (especially the presiding judge) were complete assholes and their comments had practically no merit. but we still beat the other team by 25 points (ouch, they're not gonna make it past regions) meanwhile, i'm inspired to work on my character and develop that need for tears. my problem was i forced it....i can't do that.

go to one-act practice after trial....i had brought my cds with me for the bus....so i played my new Smile Empty Soul cd in the sound booth and hung out with LK... side note: throughout my analysis of self i've thought of people i could potentially open up to, LK is one of them.....so i take advantage of the opportunity and propose questions to her that have been floating around in my head....about friends and identity and spilling your soul. what i learned: being a private person isn't that bad....yeah, you don't really want to burden people with your problems. and at the same time, you may not have anything in common with your friends....but you do have this bond that goes beneath that. you can come to them in any mood and don't have to tell them why and they will be there for you. exactly the same relationship that i have with my friends. i don't have anything in common with them besides that bond and past. i know i can come to them and get that same support. so why do i keep searching for something and being depressed about not having it, when it reality what i do have shouldn't be overlooked?

something else i realized: she recently split from her bf of 1 1/2 years and told me that being away from him makes her realize what she had....but she doesn't want/need it because of those memories.....made me question why i pursue guys.....i think i'm searching for love and affection, i'm terrified of finding it....but i still want it.

odd weirdness: C was flirting with me again....somewhat confused/ content with this....he goes after quite a few girls, and i just happen to be the object of his affection at one-act.....its been awhile since i had flirting like that....basically a little more than what i had with D at Bus Stop....but i decided to let him make the move....and if anything happened at all, that i would leave it with a fling, make out session, whatever.....because for some reason i crave the physical....and i haven't had it....since J....it just stands out because i'm not the type to be in that position....