can't explain this mood

been alone all afternoon....downloading songs, listening to semi-depressing music, creating notebook covers- trying to make it a reflection of the me that is real....searching for meaningful poetry to copy on to them.....i know not what i feel, perhaps something between lonliness and depression....but this is what i wanted, so i brood...create and brood. this creativity makes me happy, finally a way to express myself that isn't in words, but in pictures.....my life is too envolved with words........

can't think, can't exist.....can't function.....i'm living from moment to moment.....debated about calling J (a friend, not the ex) and hanging out before we go to L's house at 7.......pushed the thought aside....because for some reason i want to keep this feeling of mystery, sadness.....

should get off the computer....tied up the phone line since 1.........parents will be home soon....people to deal with...sigh