i realized why i like driving (at least around home where traffic is nonexistent) something to do with going somewhere and doing something, but losing myself at the same time....i hear nothing but the radio, see nothing but the blur of lights and reflectors....it all blends together and i get some sort of contentment from it....i don't have to talk, i don't have to justify...i just exist.

stupid person just im-ed me....i don't want to talk to anyone

is analysis bad? over analysis? sometimes i think it is....but then again, my analysis (pertaining to self, but could be anything) tends to lessen ignorance. but sometimes it seems better to live in ignorance. to think that i'm happy, only to find that i'm really not....instances like that where ignorance would be better to be kept. so i question ignorance...ignorance means surrounding yourself in a false aura of happiness and contentment....the knowledge slowly disintegrates that aura, leaving the bleak reality....and yes, you know more...but did you really want to- knowing what your life was like before and after the fact?

it seems like a constant battle- ignorance....i hate ignorance, in myself, in other people....so i try to rid myself of not knowing....but i dig too deeply, push too far...only to realize, i didn't want it....which only leaves me with a new set of problems...what to do about the conclusions my ignorance has revealed

its so strange, my fears are the most odd things....and the things i don't fear should be scary...i'm not afraid of jumping into a completely different situation, in fact that 's what i want right now.....no, instead i'm afraid of change within my environment.....its like i only welcome change if everything is changed. to change an element in school beyond the institution is too much for me....i've had the same friends since forever...and i'm tired of them....but do i do anything? no
instead i retreat within myself, depress myself, and gripe within blogs and journals change is too scary, i can't take that leap.

need sleep....must type speech....must stop