the benefit of winter- getting out halfway thru the day....i'm at home trying to decide what to do with my free time...this idea popped into my head for a blog

what ifs

what if i acted out my delusional fantasies?

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driving home from somewhere, school, play practice, whatever....late at night or possibly dusk...this urge comes over me to drive into the next car coming towards me and go hurling to my death.....or perhaps on one of the slightly dangerous curves near the lake not turning and instead fall into the icy waters....

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run forever and ever until i can't move....i run to the top of a tall hill or incline....the view so breathtaking....and my fatigue from the run takes over and my body gives out....nothing but the air around me and i plunge downward

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do nothing but sleep....i wake up, ponder, and go back to bed....i don't eat, i don't talk to anyone....just nothing but the comfort of sleep in my own bed

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somehow manage to sneak off somewhere with B (a boy i know i should avoid for obvious reasons- for myself and for my reputation) go somewhere secretive in school during study hall and fuck

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inflict pain on those who annoy me the most....suddenly their stupid words get to me and make me loose control.....wouldn't it be odd if i could pull out a gun and shoot them? blood oozes over their bleached blonde hair and ambercrombie clothes...their stupidity and ignorance silenced forever

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stand up on a table at lunch and have a mental breakdown....do nothing but scream and curse until they take me away...those faces starrring in horror and myself so far removed from their presence that i'm trapped in my screams, not even hearing them anymore.....

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