feeling very stupid and self centered right now

my anger expressed in the blog before i went to school this morning kept building as the day went on....i mellowed a bit in acryllic painting because i was left alone to create with little interuption from teacher or student. i go to choir and that brings my feelings to an at times overwhelming climax...i almost teared for some dumb reason. but the best thing i did, i never told anyone save one person who completely understood.

at the end of choir, poyzer calls me into his office and closes the door...."oh shit, here it comes. why i'm nothing but chorus." instead he tells me i'm the witch....."good" and they're writing me a song because they can't bear to let my vocal talent go to waste...."oh my god, thank you so much"

so now i'm kicking myself for having such a prima donna moment....i have a better part than dorothy....i thought somewhere that the witch would be the perfect part if she sang....and now she does....plus i have less rehearsal time, but equal limelight and a way better character.....the only reason i like the lead is because they're the lead. there usually isn't anything extremely interesting about them. and dorothy is so cheesy.

plus i found out they had the most trouble finding someone good to cast in the character roles....witch, scarecrow, tinman, lion....so i was probably cast before dorothy because i can cackle, maintain and project the witch's voice, and sing extremely well (why i'm given the song). i'm extremely happy....i needed confirmation in this audition to help me understand how i'll do at college auditions. if i can do well in my own high school, i can go in with that much confidence knowing i'm the best out of my school....because if i'm not the best in my own high school, how am i going to get into these competitive theatre programs?

i know i'm being extremely selfish right now.....but i can overlook it....i've been selfish about my goals and the things that are the most important to me.

something that really irked me today. after poyzer told me my role, i left to start my car because its still -20 with a -40 wind chill....the girl who spilled the dorothy news was in the hallway and asked, so i told her.....i also made the mistake of telling her briefly without making myself look too bad my annoyance that morning. i told her it annoyed me because i'm going to school for musical theatre and have all this experience and turned down a part in AAAA. her reply was some people need the experience, implying i'd had my chance...give the beginners their's. of course she's the one who annoyed me the most by getting the part i wanted in cinderella with no theatre experience. but then again, i don't like her at all beneath the civil relationship i should maintain with her. but yeah, cast your ppl with no experience in the lead roles to give them the opportunity.....which also explains why cinderella was the worst musical we'd ever had. i can't even exaggerate that, because we'd only had 3 musicals in that school since it was built. haha....hopefully wizard will be better.