i have to get these thoughts out of my head if i'll be able to sleep

death has been in my mind all day, and because of events for the past 2 hours it has been in the forefront of my brain. today i found out kids from my school's dad died of a heart attack...which hits me really close to home because he wasn't that old and i saw him yesterday in church....i was singing with his wife....his eldest son is part of the old theatre clique....so then i contemplate death among my own loved ones, including A....thinking about losing A is so severe it almost makes me cry, to the point of i have to stop thinking about it so i don't cry....besides, it wouldn't happen....its as likely as me dying young....

but then he tells me he's been thinking about suicide....god, this scares me because over msn i have no idea how serious he is about this...yeah, sometimes i think about death and on certain days i may be closer to it based on mood....but i have no way to gage the possibility of this...he won't do it....i've been reassured of that now....but that possibility makes me realize how much i really love him....if he were taken away there'd be a part of me that would break...i don't know how well i'd heal because death has never been that close to me

ok, now maybe i can sleep without turning this over and over in my head