i've been contemplating the symbolism behind nakedness....exposure...almost a secret or something. and in showing someone else its like baring an unknown part of yourself. nothing to hide from, under, just you- insecurities and all. nothing but truth and honesty. and the acceptance of that, hell just the act itself could be a huge complement to the person you trust. unless one is comfortable and is that open with everyone...but i'm not that way. so i was exposed, by choice, something i'm rather happy about....and told repeatedly i was beautiful. shallow, vain me...but that reality of the complement further confirms A's acceptance of all of me....as if he wants everything about me, not just the superficial accomplishments, surface actions, or mild good looks....everything- fears, insecurities, shallowness, naviete...

i've opened up to him on so many levels...yesterday was yet another level....yes, the physical is important in a relationship and i was contemplating if i was being horribly slow in that area....i feel better now that we have that incredible chemistry. but what makes me happier is that we have this intense mental and emotional connection that is behind the chemistry....with J there was nothing and i guess i feared if it progressed to a point, it would end. but i should stop comparing A to J, no comparison really. and i know A is nothing like him, he's so much better.

one month...i can't forsee it ending for awhile...even so, its been the happiest month of my life.