i've had strange day....it was mostly good but the negative seems to over shadow it. currently i'm typing with my middle finger on my right hand because a nail fell off (just though you'd like to know that).

speech sections...my longest opportunity to see A and i completely botch it.....i didn't do it cognizantly...i guess i just felt like being independent or something and was being horribly selfish....and A was depressed about something. a small portion of it envolved me, which made me feel bad...another was something else that i'll probably never know...but i hope he isn't mad at me directly, although i have not been a spectacular gf...

which got me thinking...i spent a large portion of the rest of the day talking to LK about A, because she ended up hanging out with them....and she told me i was just a very independent person...versus A and she always hang around someone... so now i'm curious if i have the potential to be a good gf....i was toying with the idea of asking my ex's....i don't want to lose A, and i don't want to hurt him, but i fear i already have and i didn't even know it....makes me wonder if i'm even cut out to be in a relationship, or if i just don't deal well with commitment...but i figure i should just try to deal with it and not give up, make it up to A after the show when i have more free time.

bizarre moment of the day, i talked to JM more than usual today before rounds....we were in first round together, but then he came to my room for some reason and talked to me for 5 minutes....next to A, he's the person from a different school in my category i've been closer to....he got first and is going to state..

i spent a lot of time with LK...i really like that we're not awkward about the current gf/ ex gf thing...and of course she is the best person to discuss A, since she knows him better than i do....i'm beginning to wonder if i'm still A's rebound for LK..sometimes it feels that...and that's probably because i'm not really good about interacting in public.

sleep...need sleep