i feel as if i've been surrounded by culture with all of these new things to think about. i spend time with mom before dinner working on comedic timing for speech....that was the best practice I've ever had, thanks to mom and her wonderful directing sense. she gave me so many new ideas to try out...yeah, i did figure out where to pause for emphasis and laughs, but beneath it i now have new principles for where the character is coming from. for instance, I have this bit with a street musician and previously had just played the character as manic....no, she has potentially found her prince charming after her trying day as the damsel in distress....so she flirts with him, giving a second chance....and finally realizes this is not him....an epiphany for me....

i go to dance and F spontaneously decides we should go to this play at UMM called daughters of Africa because we might get ideas for movement for our hip hop dance. we get there about 30 minutes late because we thought it started at 7:30, but the play was more a one-woman show about multiple african-american women historical figures throughout the ages. and the actress was spectacular....the style of the play was similar to the style my speech cutting is taken. the only difference is this actress spent 2 minutes, 5 minutes per character and within that time span was completely emboding their persona. It made me wish I knew more about the historical figures mannerisms and speech patterns to know how well she was portraying them. and she did this with minimal props, a hat, a necklace, glasses....so she inspired me to find a physical aspect for me to completely become the character. I've read somewhere that many actors shouldn't rely on the character to hit them in performance. no, instead they should find a physical aspect to embark an idea to trigger the character....a posture, voice, gestures, perhaps an idea and mindset, a mood to portray?

my mind is whirling with ideas to improve my speech and suddenly my talent is renewed....school is managable, and i won't be in my hardest classes until monday...so i am free to focus on my acting...first speech, then wizard....and perhaps i will be able to do what i've known i'm capable of.

on a side note: i felt the need to express my feelings towards A. i sent him an e-mail and covered a lot of it, but i still feel like i left something out....something that my mind hasn't even put into words....something deeper than the superficial reasons i seemed to list....but i believe that is because perhaps my reasons aren't logical....or the logicallity will come with time....sometimes i forget we've only been together for 1 month, and we've really only known each other for that same duration.....i haven't had the luxury of just knowing him for several years as if we'd been in high school together. but i wish i could do for him as he's done for me, but i fear i don't possess the ability to do so....A has made me feel so wonderful and confident about myself....he's made me see things i didn't know were there.....i wish i could do that for him....and this e-mail was an attempt