good god, so much has happened to me in the past 2 days....

from the beginning, after last night's blog A came online, got my phone number, called it and we talked until 3 am. made plans to see each other today....so i spent today in morris at the coffee house, also quite a bit of time in my car

the weirdness/ goodness of it all....in the past 24 hours (because its been just barely over 24 hours that this started) i've spent nearly all my time with him in some way....so today he keeps telling me i'm beautiful, something i haven't heard in a long time and just generally how wonderful i am...i'm not used to complements of this kind....and he told me he loved me.

the concept of love freaks me out...i've said this before and i told him this last night....nevertheless....but then the odd thing, it kept creeping up on me, and i'm trying to fight it because i'm trying to avoid the pain i found myself in my last relationship....i kept wanting to tell him and wanting to acknowledge it to myself...so i ask him how he knows its love. "because nothing makes me happier than being with you at this very moment. i want to hold on to this forever and i want to care for you and comfort you and not hurt you at all. yeah, i'm living for the moment....but this feels so right. and i know what love feels like, and i know what lust and infatuation feels like." so he asks me what i'm thinking and i'm so scared to tell him, but i manage to....

so A and i are officially bf and gf....this is strange to suddenly have a bf in the span of 2 days, over valentine's day weekend. but he knows i'm terribly busy and accepts it...and we still have speech right now. but i really want mom to meet him so she can approve and trust me to do things with him. versus i met his dad, actually i met him yesterday at the speech meet, but i saw him today too and i can tell his dad accepts me...but i have a good repore (sp?) with adults in general

i just can't get over this....how many issues have i overcome in the past 2 days....suddenly i'm vunerable again, and i'm ok with it because i know A won't hurt me....he wants to marry me...asked me twice, but knew i wouldn't accept because of my position on marriage. i'm not sure if i should question his clingyness or be extremely happy that he is so confident in the relationship he thinks he can spend the rest of my life with me....i hope the latter. but i got over the love thing....i'm still unsure, but atleast i'm not the one out on a limb. all i know is i deeply care about A, i love his personality, i want to do everything in my power to make the relationship work, and still want to be his friend even if things don't work out- mainly because i can talk to him in a way i can only talk to the ppl i call my best friends. i couldn't lose that.

i suppose all of my blogs are going to sound one-sided because of A in my life now...i hope i won't be too sickening for anyone's reading....i'm extremely hypocritical about hearing solely about a person's signifcant other.