i've felt pressure to the point of exhaustion. for some reason going the entire day without stopping for so long has worn me down, made me question my place. my life seems perfect on the outside- college auditions finished, one acceptance so far, school going well, excelling in my extracurriculars, starred at mock trial, principle in school play, a good relationship with a wonderful bf, sensible friends, good relationship with parents....so i live from thing to thing, going place to place, accomplishing every task....not getting enough sleep, fearing i'm not eating well enough, the exercise i get just seeming to consume what little energy i have, leaving me to wonder if i can function....but somehow i manage....

funny thing is, i'm happy- or at least under the illusion of happiness. and because i'm happy it feels very fake, as if this happiness is a dream the will burst at any moment. things are balancing, and it is what i want in life, but it doesn't feel real...that i should strive for something greater that these superficial goals i've achieved. is that part of our evolution, genetic makeup, to strive for more even when life is already "perfect"? is perfection attainable? frankly, i don't want perfection....but i long for something more i can't identify. i think i just need to take a step back and relax a bit...i'm too tense...i do need sleep...i just feel stretched too thin at the moment