not sure how to deal with this...i have this feeling i can't explain, a feeling of betrayal and hurt with no source I can comprehend, save my own imagination. why do i feel as if i've been dropped....because of a lack of communication since sunday? he has a life i'm sure...i have one. even so, i'm thinking of calling A just to confirm the common cup thing tomorrow....no e-mail today...not online....legit excuse, i'm sure....i just don't know it.

god, i keep mentally preparing myself for a breakup....as if i can sense it coming. why, i have no idea. when we last talked he said he was head over heels in love with me. how could that have changed in the span of 48 hours? i'm comforted whenever i talk to him...it is when i'm alone with my thoughts that logic and fear piles on me, weighing me down. if i keep thinking of the fear of being alone, why am i in this? i spend the relationship worrying and preparing myself for when its going to end. is this any good for me? maybe i would be better if i severed it and had the satisfaction of not being attached. but then i'm ruled by fear and what good does that do me? so my fears have won again, i've retreated back into my comfort zone....is that any way to live?

he said after 2 weeks we can be sure the infatuation aspect will have worn away and it is then we determine whether there is anything between us. two weeks as of thursday....

i need to call him, if nothing else for reassurance.....besides, i won't look desperate if it is to confirm tomorrow's plans. i need to be sure of them anyway.

i hope this worrying is all for naught.